Yes, that's a cliche but it is one used time and again because of its honest truthfulness. Tonight, I realized everything was going to be OK. I got to talk to 'Cody' and my world is revolving at its steady pace once again. We talked before the meeting casually, and he even hung there while I talked to Chase*, his little brother about my new Webkins acct. and how I need to make friends with him. Then our friend Tyrone came up to us with this months latest magazines and said "hey, look, the new ones are here" and Cody reaches out to take them from him, and I grab one of those from Cody. Tyrone and Andy, Cody's older brother, stood there looking oddly at us as we flipped through and scanned for good tidbits of information and interesting articles.
I so love those (you too are so alike) moments.
Then after we were able to talk again, and I love the nights when everything seems to be going my way. How I was proud in my ability to be confident and casual with someone who makes me so, so crazy.
However, there was one glitch to the night... There is this boy I've known for years. Let's call him Jeremy. Anyway, he lives with his grandmother who raised him and since moving down here her and my own mother have been the best of friends. They are always the first to find out anything that is going on in each others lives. Well, during the meeting mom wrote me a note. (Pre-reveal, Jeremy's grandparents had recently bought a retirement property and a travel trailer for it which is all located about 3-4 hours north of our current town) She had learned that Jeremy, who turns 18 in May, wants to move up there, get a job, and live on his own. But that his grandmother was trying to convince him not to move until after our convention (July).
Now, this may not sound so bad, but it is. The relationship between me and him has a history of... awkwardness. Months after I realized I had stopped liking him, I learned he liked me. And we are both mega shy people, so this has been, weird. Don't think he knows I know, but still. Weird like, I have a hard time looking at him because even though I don't really like him anymore, I probably like him more than I normally would. As in, I still may or may not skip a couple of beats when I talk to him. So, this is huge.
I am so worried about him. Worried that he is going to get into trouble. I know how extremely shy he is and how if he moves into a new hall he may not get up much courage to reach out as he has been able to here. I'm worried that he may slack off in going to meetings after being tired from his new job. Then how he'll reason that missing one more won't hurt anything until it's gotten the better of him. Not that I don't believe in him, but I know that this happens to everyone. That is incredibly hard to resist this. That sometimes we need a good welcoming swift kick in the behind to help us into gear. And I'm worried no one there will be able to give that to him...
So, overall a good night, but my worried face still appears when I think about him.
And! And, I want to text my best friend about this, and ask her, but I think my green monster may come out and say something about how she can't tell her new best friend any of this... and even if I can hide the key to his cage, I know how she'll respond. Something along the lines of "oh, that's awful" and "I hope so too" and how she won't really get it, but even if my miracle she does she won't be as worried as me because besides his grandmother I'm not sure there are that many who are worried. They all seem like they'd be able to say "he'll just have to make his own decisions" and forget about it.
:l not cool, man. not cool.
*Footnote: all names have been changed or altered to protect my identity against those who might know me but I know if they find this it won't work because it's so obvious who these people are... "Doh!"
I so love those (you too are so alike) moments.
Then after we were able to talk again, and I love the nights when everything seems to be going my way. How I was proud in my ability to be confident and casual with someone who makes me so, so crazy.
However, there was one glitch to the night... There is this boy I've known for years. Let's call him Jeremy. Anyway, he lives with his grandmother who raised him and since moving down here her and my own mother have been the best of friends. They are always the first to find out anything that is going on in each others lives. Well, during the meeting mom wrote me a note. (Pre-reveal, Jeremy's grandparents had recently bought a retirement property and a travel trailer for it which is all located about 3-4 hours north of our current town) She had learned that Jeremy, who turns 18 in May, wants to move up there, get a job, and live on his own. But that his grandmother was trying to convince him not to move until after our convention (July).
Now, this may not sound so bad, but it is. The relationship between me and him has a history of... awkwardness. Months after I realized I had stopped liking him, I learned he liked me. And we are both mega shy people, so this has been, weird. Don't think he knows I know, but still. Weird like, I have a hard time looking at him because even though I don't really like him anymore, I probably like him more than I normally would. As in, I still may or may not skip a couple of beats when I talk to him. So, this is huge.
I am so worried about him. Worried that he is going to get into trouble. I know how extremely shy he is and how if he moves into a new hall he may not get up much courage to reach out as he has been able to here. I'm worried that he may slack off in going to meetings after being tired from his new job. Then how he'll reason that missing one more won't hurt anything until it's gotten the better of him. Not that I don't believe in him, but I know that this happens to everyone. That is incredibly hard to resist this. That sometimes we need a good welcoming swift kick in the behind to help us into gear. And I'm worried no one there will be able to give that to him...
So, overall a good night, but my worried face still appears when I think about him.
And! And, I want to text my best friend about this, and ask her, but I think my green monster may come out and say something about how she can't tell her new best friend any of this... and even if I can hide the key to his cage, I know how she'll respond. Something along the lines of "oh, that's awful" and "I hope so too" and how she won't really get it, but even if my miracle she does she won't be as worried as me because besides his grandmother I'm not sure there are that many who are worried. They all seem like they'd be able to say "he'll just have to make his own decisions" and forget about it.
:l not cool, man. not cool.
*Footnote: all names have been changed or altered to protect my identity against those who might know me but I know if they find this it won't work because it's so obvious who these people are... "Doh!"
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