Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
From the Heart
I want you.
I don't want some stereotypical guy.
I want You.
I want us to be two parts of each other.
I want you to wrap me up,
Surround me
So that I never have to be without you.
So that I'll never have to face anything alone
ever again.
I want us.
I want you to be there.
I want you to have
To be all mine,
To never share with anyone else.
I want you to cherish and
Be the thing that is so precious,
Sometimes I'm afraid to touch it
Because it might turn out to be surreal
And disappear.
I want you to protect me;
Save me from myself
And be the person who likes me
Even when I don't like myself.
And...
I want you to want to, too.
I don't want some stereotypical guy.
I want You.
I want us to be two parts of each other.
I want you to wrap me up,
Surround me
So that I never have to be without you.
So that I'll never have to face anything alone
ever again.
I want us.
I want you to be there.
I want you to have
To be all mine,
To never share with anyone else.
I want you to cherish and
Be the thing that is so precious,
Sometimes I'm afraid to touch it
Because it might turn out to be surreal
And disappear.
I want you to protect me;
Save me from myself
And be the person who likes me
Even when I don't like myself.
And...
I want you to want to, too.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Tomorrow will be complete (insert letter between K and M)
Yeah, tomorrow Charles and Jeremy are coming to destroy our floors under the pretense of finding better floors underneath.
And my boys are coming, plus Ryder's friend Chase (Cody's lil' bro) will come for most of the morning at least and probably into the afternoon.
Dad will be there all day, and he is having a guy we know come over to look at something else later in the afternoon.
Ya know how when you first crush on a person, like, the first time you ever crush, and you build all these castles around them, and you make them the hero of every story? You paint them with silver paint to make them your knight in shinning armor. You come up with secret names for him that only you and your best friend know, so no one else could guess who you're talking about. You see them next to you every time you close your eyes and feel their arms around you when you lay down at night. You imagine a million different ways you could walk up to her and just say "Hi", but you always end up looking the other way...
Well, that person you painted silver will always have this undeniably innocent part of your heart. They will never let it go. They will always have silver paint left behind their ears, or under their nails, because no matter how long it's been, or how hard you try, or how much they change, he or she will always be yours.
Yeah.
So, I've been friends with Jeremy for years, and when I first met him I thought 'he would look good in silver'. So now, no matter how many times I see Cody, or tell myself I could never really love Jeremy, I always have this face in my back of my head. I swear, it's the all-knowing look Derek Shepard gives Meredith when she won't accept something that is right in front of her. He looks at me and chuckles and grins and says "Yeah, right"
So, I will go to bed thinking, Yeah Right.
And my boys are coming, plus Ryder's friend Chase (Cody's lil' bro) will come for most of the morning at least and probably into the afternoon.
Dad will be there all day, and he is having a guy we know come over to look at something else later in the afternoon.
Ya know how when you first crush on a person, like, the first time you ever crush, and you build all these castles around them, and you make them the hero of every story? You paint them with silver paint to make them your knight in shinning armor. You come up with secret names for him that only you and your best friend know, so no one else could guess who you're talking about. You see them next to you every time you close your eyes and feel their arms around you when you lay down at night. You imagine a million different ways you could walk up to her and just say "Hi", but you always end up looking the other way...
Well, that person you painted silver will always have this undeniably innocent part of your heart. They will never let it go. They will always have silver paint left behind their ears, or under their nails, because no matter how long it's been, or how hard you try, or how much they change, he or she will always be yours.
Yeah.
So, I've been friends with Jeremy for years, and when I first met him I thought 'he would look good in silver'. So now, no matter how many times I see Cody, or tell myself I could never really love Jeremy, I always have this face in my back of my head. I swear, it's the all-knowing look Derek Shepard gives Meredith when she won't accept something that is right in front of her. He looks at me and chuckles and grins and says "Yeah, right"
So, I will go to bed thinking, Yeah Right.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
'Most forgot!!!!!
I'm doing a new two-week thing: Wheat. I learned that, like milk, our bodies cannot completely process wheat. It enters our bloodstream as a group versus the individual nutrients our body needs. Think of it like an entire Transformers instead of a single lego block. So, out bodies view this 'transformer' as a foreign body, and treats it like it would any other allergy: pollen, peanuts, cat dandruff, etc. And it reacts different ways in different people. They can be obviously allergic to it, or it can come out in small ways. It comes out as stress. Stress shows in acne. So yes wheat can cause acne to be worse. It won't cause acne, but it can make it worse.
It did get better when I went off caffeine, but for me personally it's not worth giving up coffee for my acne. It doesn't bother me enough right now, but at least I know if it gets worse there is something I can do to help. I also cut down on my cream that week, so I am sure that would help, too, if I could switch to almond or coconut milk instead of the cream. But yeah, we'll see how it goes! Wed. was day one, and I'm not sure if I can do the whole two weeks bc I think I'll be in Ft. Worth for the last couple of days...
I can't eat bread, crackers, cereal, soy sauce, noodles, etc. I can have potatoes, rice and rice noodles, corn (tortillas from corn, not flour; corn bread; tortilla chips) and I can't think of any other starches I eat...
We'll see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It did get better when I went off caffeine, but for me personally it's not worth giving up coffee for my acne. It doesn't bother me enough right now, but at least I know if it gets worse there is something I can do to help. I also cut down on my cream that week, so I am sure that would help, too, if I could switch to almond or coconut milk instead of the cream. But yeah, we'll see how it goes! Wed. was day one, and I'm not sure if I can do the whole two weeks bc I think I'll be in Ft. Worth for the last couple of days...
I can't eat bread, crackers, cereal, soy sauce, noodles, etc. I can have potatoes, rice and rice noodles, corn (tortillas from corn, not flour; corn bread; tortilla chips) and I can't think of any other starches I eat...
We'll see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also...
Also, starting Wed. Charles and Jeremy are coming to work at the house. Yep. O_0. Not sure what smiley goes with that so I'm putting a... diplomatic one? I want him to be here and I don't. IDK, we'll see how it turns out.......................................
I'm good now.
I got to spend the morning working at the hall. Well, I say working. I got to go and hang around while they worked on the security system, talked a lot, and waited to see if we would end of needing to go cut trees at Porter. While they did this, I got to hang with Cody... :D We hung out for about two hours. I did kinda follow him around, but hopefully not too much. I was pretty calm and cool, but like, once or twice I went with him when I didn't have a good reason, but he knew I didn't have anything to do and neither did he, but he would jump in when they dropped the trees in for the front, and I helped him change the ac filters so we worked together, and yeah. Once when we were walking back from the shed where he brought the shovels to be put away, we got harrassed a teeny bit, but I kinda ignored it. My dad needed me to go get something out of the truck and so Charles was looking for me and he opened the front door to see if I was out there and as he did we were walking by talking and he kinda ran with it. But, he didn't go fast or far, just a few tugs so it was OK. And mostly to Cody b/c I went to dad to see what he needed.
So yeah, I'm happy now...
So yeah, I'm happy now...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Angel, by Jack Johnson - Now Playing
Hello. I'm sitting on my bathroom floor in front of my heater listening to Pandora on my Nook while I'm on my laptop. Weird, I know.
Just wanted to update...I know I haven't posted since Friday. It's been a couple of days!!! ;D
So, Saturday we stayed home, cause, everyone here is sick (with me as the exception, of course) and they didn't feel up to it. I almost made it in service until I realized I over slept and Dad was walking out the door to conduct, but he didn't stay.
(Ooh, ooh, ooh, song playing you have to look up: Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade!!!!!!!)
Then Sunday, we didn't go cause they were sick and I refused to go by myself again and have to ask for a ride home. I don't like doing that.
Then Monday my boys came back. And TAuesday my boys came back again. Then Tuesday night we actually all made it to the meeting! Me, Mom, and Bro were there early but Dad had to run to Beaumont earlier so he was late getting there (and he had local needs so he couldn't stay home and be sick like he needed too) but it was all good!
I got to use my Nook again during the meeting. I love, love having all my books on there. It makes everything so much easier. Not having to make sure I can find all my books, then keeping them all in my purse and that can't be good for it!
Then after the meeting I talked to Rachel and it made me feel good, and Charlie and it made me feel good. I talked to Tyrone and Cody and I felt good. Managed to completely avoid Alex and that made me feel even better! Until he text me later. I kinda didn't see it until about twenty past midnight and when I text back he was like, wow I so didn't think you'd be up this late!
But then he text me again today (>_<) and we talked a bit. Kinda weird when he said it'd be cool if I had my license and could come hang with him at the house. Yeah, I think not!
I worked out Monday and today, and have done a 12 min. stretch w/o everyday so far. I did abs Mon. and today was a total body kick-your-butt-and-not-let-you-forget-for-days workout I'll regret tomorrow. But, I feel good for having done it at all!!!
Ok, I'm gonna try to get my sleepy butt in bed and I'll post again soon!!!
<3
Just wanted to update...I know I haven't posted since Friday. It's been a couple of days!!! ;D
So, Saturday we stayed home, cause, everyone here is sick (with me as the exception, of course) and they didn't feel up to it. I almost made it in service until I realized I over slept and Dad was walking out the door to conduct, but he didn't stay.
(Ooh, ooh, ooh, song playing you have to look up: Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade!!!!!!!)
Then Sunday, we didn't go cause they were sick and I refused to go by myself again and have to ask for a ride home. I don't like doing that.
Then Monday my boys came back. And TAuesday my boys came back again. Then Tuesday night we actually all made it to the meeting! Me, Mom, and Bro were there early but Dad had to run to Beaumont earlier so he was late getting there (and he had local needs so he couldn't stay home and be sick like he needed too) but it was all good!
I got to use my Nook again during the meeting. I love, love having all my books on there. It makes everything so much easier. Not having to make sure I can find all my books, then keeping them all in my purse and that can't be good for it!
Then after the meeting I talked to Rachel and it made me feel good, and Charlie and it made me feel good. I talked to Tyrone and Cody and I felt good. Managed to completely avoid Alex and that made me feel even better! Until he text me later. I kinda didn't see it until about twenty past midnight and when I text back he was like, wow I so didn't think you'd be up this late!
But then he text me again today (>_<) and we talked a bit. Kinda weird when he said it'd be cool if I had my license and could come hang with him at the house. Yeah, I think not!
I worked out Monday and today, and have done a 12 min. stretch w/o everyday so far. I did abs Mon. and today was a total body kick-your-butt-and-not-let-you-forget-for-days workout I'll regret tomorrow. But, I feel good for having done it at all!!!
Ok, I'm gonna try to get my sleepy butt in bed and I'll post again soon!!!
<3
Friday, February 3, 2012
Oh, happy days, happy days at last!
Hi hello!!!
Bon Soir!
Aloha!
Hehe, I may be in a really good mood right now, I can't tell... ;D
So, I've had this entire week off from babysitting and it's been almost perfect heaven. I felt good all day Monday. I think it's because Monday helped reaffirm what my element is. Where I know I belong. I looked absolutely amazing in bell bottom jeans, black booties, and a tight, slimming navy blue turtleneck with perfect hair and incredibly flattering side bangs. I am most certainly never my own biggest fan, and it's something I need to work on, but I know I rocked myself that day!!!
I had my first ortho appt with Dr. Kimbrough. Dude rocks. He's been in the biz for like, 40 years and he is awesome, like, as a person in general.
I also had an appt with the ppl in Porter, but I didn't like them at all.
But, lemme explain the element thing: I wasn't sure what kind of person I was for a long time. I wasn't completely a "deer camp" girl, I wasn't a pink-blouse-with-french-mani/pedi-barbie-convertible kind of girl. I'm not emo, scene, goth. I'm not artsy, like, way into it. I love forms of self-expression, but not in a way that it controls, or is even one of the main focuses of my life. Then a few months ago I realized who I am.
I am a girl who needs more class in her life. By class, I'm talking about the people who can go sit at starbucks for the morning with their tablets or laptops simply because they want to pass some time. Who wear all the right clothes, and always seem to come together in a appealing way with that beautiful art-form flourish of not even thinking about it. Who keep it simple, classy, unassuming, and pleasant. I'm that girl.
Or... I want to be.
And I will be one day!
But Monday, I woke up, got ready to go, knew instantly what I would wear, the accessories that would go with it, and that I'd look stunning without a second thought. Who was ready in plenty of time, no rushing. Got to the appt with time to spare, time to sit, read teen vouge and relax. Was cool and confident, friendly, with the strange guy I had never met. Then we left, and sat in Starbucks while waiting until it was time to go to the next one. I got my drink, played around with my tablet, then we decided to run into Walmart across the street. I picked out some new make-up and hair things (and am so glad I did. I cam out with some amazing products I didn't even plan on getting but I now love). And the day was relaxed, simple, fulfilling, and perfect.
Tuesday I ended up doing Mom's talk at the hall. I ended up in the front, and there was a whole disaster with the microphones but between me and my impromptu householder we were able to pull it off quite nicely if I may...
Wed. we had another appt with Dr. Kimbrough. Mom was really sick by then, but she was able to still take me. I loved his office all over again and read a few more pages in the mag, but still havne't had enough time to finish it!!! (Plus, I got a pencil, smencil, and gum. Hehe)
Thursday wasn't as good. My friend Elsa and her sister smAsh canceled on me to go to the mall Friday. And I've been way way way way way looking forward to this! I was pretty... "arugh" about it all. And I expected to feel really bad about it today. But, the first thing I did when I woke up was check my phone to see what time it was. I had four e-mails, two gmail two yahoo. I knew the gmails were probably Polyvore so I checked them asap, then checked Ymail because I hate having those little alerts at the top of my phone...
Well, Best. Decision. Ever.
I found an email from Cody (yes, cody!!!) and I was way surprised because I very, very rarely get emails from him. Well, he had sent me an attachment that was the draft of the first few pages he wrote for a book that he wanted my opinion on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For me, this is huge. This is "omg, he actually asked me. Not his cousin Kathy who he it really close to, or his brother, Andy, or anyone else. He. Asked. Me." And, too. Books are my thing. Like, I own books and anything to do with them or writing f any sort because that is a huge part of who I am.
So, like, I am in seventh heaven with this. I opened it, read it, and told him I like it a lot so far, that it was really good and I couldn't wait to read some more of this. And I can't! The story itself has an incredible potential. There's a lot of directions he could go and they would all make for an incredible story! I'm so so proud of him, even more than when he told me he was gonna try to get some of his songs produced!!!
He plays guitar, writes songs, writes books! Loves coffee, cooks, and has the most beautiful laugh.
Could he be more perfect?
(Lady X, but another time I'll explain how that is going)
Bon Soir!
Aloha!
Hehe, I may be in a really good mood right now, I can't tell... ;D
So, I've had this entire week off from babysitting and it's been almost perfect heaven. I felt good all day Monday. I think it's because Monday helped reaffirm what my element is. Where I know I belong. I looked absolutely amazing in bell bottom jeans, black booties, and a tight, slimming navy blue turtleneck with perfect hair and incredibly flattering side bangs. I am most certainly never my own biggest fan, and it's something I need to work on, but I know I rocked myself that day!!!
I had my first ortho appt with Dr. Kimbrough. Dude rocks. He's been in the biz for like, 40 years and he is awesome, like, as a person in general.
I also had an appt with the ppl in Porter, but I didn't like them at all.
But, lemme explain the element thing: I wasn't sure what kind of person I was for a long time. I wasn't completely a "deer camp" girl, I wasn't a pink-blouse-with-french-mani/pedi-barbie-convertible kind of girl. I'm not emo, scene, goth. I'm not artsy, like, way into it. I love forms of self-expression, but not in a way that it controls, or is even one of the main focuses of my life. Then a few months ago I realized who I am.
I am a girl who needs more class in her life. By class, I'm talking about the people who can go sit at starbucks for the morning with their tablets or laptops simply because they want to pass some time. Who wear all the right clothes, and always seem to come together in a appealing way with that beautiful art-form flourish of not even thinking about it. Who keep it simple, classy, unassuming, and pleasant. I'm that girl.
Or... I want to be.
And I will be one day!
But Monday, I woke up, got ready to go, knew instantly what I would wear, the accessories that would go with it, and that I'd look stunning without a second thought. Who was ready in plenty of time, no rushing. Got to the appt with time to spare, time to sit, read teen vouge and relax. Was cool and confident, friendly, with the strange guy I had never met. Then we left, and sat in Starbucks while waiting until it was time to go to the next one. I got my drink, played around with my tablet, then we decided to run into Walmart across the street. I picked out some new make-up and hair things (and am so glad I did. I cam out with some amazing products I didn't even plan on getting but I now love). And the day was relaxed, simple, fulfilling, and perfect.
Tuesday I ended up doing Mom's talk at the hall. I ended up in the front, and there was a whole disaster with the microphones but between me and my impromptu householder we were able to pull it off quite nicely if I may...
Wed. we had another appt with Dr. Kimbrough. Mom was really sick by then, but she was able to still take me. I loved his office all over again and read a few more pages in the mag, but still havne't had enough time to finish it!!! (Plus, I got a pencil, smencil, and gum. Hehe)
Thursday wasn't as good. My friend Elsa and her sister smAsh canceled on me to go to the mall Friday. And I've been way way way way way looking forward to this! I was pretty... "arugh" about it all. And I expected to feel really bad about it today. But, the first thing I did when I woke up was check my phone to see what time it was. I had four e-mails, two gmail two yahoo. I knew the gmails were probably Polyvore so I checked them asap, then checked Ymail because I hate having those little alerts at the top of my phone...
Well, Best. Decision. Ever.
I found an email from Cody (yes, cody!!!) and I was way surprised because I very, very rarely get emails from him. Well, he had sent me an attachment that was the draft of the first few pages he wrote for a book that he wanted my opinion on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For me, this is huge. This is "omg, he actually asked me. Not his cousin Kathy who he it really close to, or his brother, Andy, or anyone else. He. Asked. Me." And, too. Books are my thing. Like, I own books and anything to do with them or writing f any sort because that is a huge part of who I am.
So, like, I am in seventh heaven with this. I opened it, read it, and told him I like it a lot so far, that it was really good and I couldn't wait to read some more of this. And I can't! The story itself has an incredible potential. There's a lot of directions he could go and they would all make for an incredible story! I'm so so proud of him, even more than when he told me he was gonna try to get some of his songs produced!!!
He plays guitar, writes songs, writes books! Loves coffee, cooks, and has the most beautiful laugh.
Could he be more perfect?
(Lady X, but another time I'll explain how that is going)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Secret Life Truths...
Ok, I have been thinking about this all day and I had to share it with someone, but it's not really something I can tell but to a very, very select few ppl. And, it's not the thing most want to hear over a text, but I figured out what I would be if I could clap my hands twice and change my life.
I...
Would...
Be...
A...
Cheerleader.
Yes, high ponytails, bows, tooth-filled grins, white sneaker-ed cheerleader.
Is that weird???
I...
Would...
Be...
A...
Cheerleader.
Yes, high ponytails, bows, tooth-filled grins, white sneaker-ed cheerleader.
Is that weird???
The World of Ortho
Hi hello!
I just got back from my two ortho consults and am in an incredible mood for many many reasons.
I just got back from my two ortho consults and am in an incredible mood for many many reasons.
- The happy pure feeling you get when you buy a new beauty product (x3)
- Feeling great about finally getting the braces you know will make your life so much better (in two years)
- The way you feel when you are around class. When you know you are where you belong, a.k.a. anywhere but New Caney/Porter!!!
- The complete and all around joy you fill with when you look at yourself in the mirror and realize that the way you have been put together on this particular day is so perfect you wouldn't change the littlest thing. How your make-up gives the perfect vibe, your jeans make you look a million miles long, your shirt give the perfect sophisticated feeling while highlighting a tiny waist you missed while you were sick and are glad to see is still there after bugging on pizza yesterday.
- Oh, and the cosmic elation of knowing your going Home in two weeks to spend a couple of days with the people most like family. Who you know you just fit with. You don't even have to 'click' because there's nothing there to make the clicking sound. You just mold.
- And all this combines to create a universal feeling of complete content.
Oh! And I'm back on coffee!!! Saturday morning was officially my two-weeks ending and me and mom left to go get my new Nook Tablet and lil bro's 3DS and we stopped at starbucks and I got my Venti Caramel Mocha.
SO yes, my world view, for now, is amazing.
-- Is it more than the sum of it's parts? Do the pieces of a place, object, or person come together to make more than the sum of its/their parts? And if they don't, is it worth it?
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Hodgen's Hidden Hotness
Hi there! I know it's been almost two days, but I'm back now.
Yesterday, Alexander text me and we talked a bit. He was so mean and text me a pic of a cup of coffee I can't have! (P.S. - Still not craving it anymore. Feeling way better)
Then today I haven't heard from him, but don't so much mind!
I started getting the Little Monsters disease yesterday so I couldn't make it to the meeting, but I will be there Sunday.
As for my title, I found a girl on Polyvore who I believe is my other long lost twin (I have two already). She loves the "Hidden Hotness" story I always share; said it made her day! And she loves the Thornberries, Rugrats, and I think we may be destined for online friendship eternally! ;) Probably not, but I can't run with it...
Well, I'm about to pass out so I bid you goodnight!
Yesterday, Alexander text me and we talked a bit. He was so mean and text me a pic of a cup of coffee I can't have! (P.S. - Still not craving it anymore. Feeling way better)
Then today I haven't heard from him, but don't so much mind!
I started getting the Little Monsters disease yesterday so I couldn't make it to the meeting, but I will be there Sunday.
As for my title, I found a girl on Polyvore who I believe is my other long lost twin (I have two already). She loves the "Hidden Hotness" story I always share; said it made her day! And she loves the Thornberries, Rugrats, and I think we may be destined for online friendship eternally! ;) Probably not, but I can't run with it...
Well, I'm about to pass out so I bid you goodnight!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Awkward situation in progress
So my introvert brain may have taken it too far.
Maybe not.
We don't really know much about each other.
Yeah, not really.
So we should fix that. Lol.
Oh?
Well don't you think?
Um, maybe.
What u mean by that
Haha, I mean it depends on how well I guess!
I don't care that's up to you
Friends, right?
As far as I know
Kewl! Hey, I'm going to bed, see ya tomorrow!
OK night see ya tomorrow.
So I'm going to take some nyqil so I actually sleep, and try not to throw up. Stop shaking, maybe drink some water. All this is a to do list that I k now will help but doesn't seem possible at the moment. At least, not probable.
Maybe not.
We don't really know much about each other.
Yeah, not really.
So we should fix that. Lol.
Oh?
Well don't you think?
Um, maybe.
What u mean by that
Haha, I mean it depends on how well I guess!
I don't care that's up to you
Friends, right?
As far as I know
Kewl! Hey, I'm going to bed, see ya tomorrow!
OK night see ya tomorrow.
So I'm going to take some nyqil so I actually sleep, and try not to throw up. Stop shaking, maybe drink some water. All this is a to do list that I k now will help but doesn't seem possible at the moment. At least, not probable.
Part 2!
Here's the big new thing I'm freaking about...
Let's name him... Alexander.
Alexander is the 'new kid'. I haven't known him very long. But he's not like the other guys I know. And... he's been texting me for almost 5 hours now. And this may not seem like a whole lot to some, but the way I grew up (and this applies to EVERYONE around me) is texting is considered dating, dating is the first step to marriage and if you're not ready for one the other isn't allowed.
Plus, last week while my parents were gone he asked for my number at the meeting one night, and after I went to get my books and Cody followed me. In a half-grin-but-totally-and-completely-not-joking-manner he told me to "be careful with him. I mean really be careful."
And I'm worried about how this will go...
OMG! This is about to get weird. He's texing me right now and I just got this "so we don't really know each other text" that scares the He'' out of me!!!
Followed by a "so we should fix that"
"Just say no. Just say no." I have to keep telling myself this. That I'm almost 18 and if I don't start standing up for myself now I will keep saying yes until I say yes to the wrong thing and I get in a Lot. Of. Trouble.
Let's name him... Alexander.
Alexander is the 'new kid'. I haven't known him very long. But he's not like the other guys I know. And... he's been texting me for almost 5 hours now. And this may not seem like a whole lot to some, but the way I grew up (and this applies to EVERYONE around me) is texting is considered dating, dating is the first step to marriage and if you're not ready for one the other isn't allowed.
Plus, last week while my parents were gone he asked for my number at the meeting one night, and after I went to get my books and Cody followed me. In a half-grin-but-totally-and-completely-not-joking-manner he told me to "be careful with him. I mean really be careful."
And I'm worried about how this will go...
OMG! This is about to get weird. He's texing me right now and I just got this "so we don't really know each other text" that scares the He'' out of me!!!
Followed by a "so we should fix that"
"Just say no. Just say no." I have to keep telling myself this. That I'm almost 18 and if I don't start standing up for myself now I will keep saying yes until I say yes to the wrong thing and I get in a Lot. Of. Trouble.
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better
Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated. Only a 3 days, but so so much has happened!!!
Friday, Dad and I were supposed to leave for the camp, but he ended up getting back late and when he got bak he found fire trucks on our road, and realized the woods in our back yard were on fire! So I had an amazing firefighter in my back yard, with a lot of his less firefighter-looking buddies. So we ended up taking Mom and my brother with us to the camp.
The next day was the hunt. I met Heath and Tom. They're pretty cool. Tom has two sons my age, and I know heath has a daughter but I know nothing about her, even her age. I may have been to busy slyly looking at his awesome mustache. Ya know the ones that go down to their chins, and are that easy breezy kind of cool? Yeah, that kind.
We were home that night and I spent Sunday working on my room after the meeting where I almost got Cody to ask his "Aunt" to take up to Sonic while my Dad was in another meeting with His "Uncle".
Today I went to the monsters house to watch them since they want to be sick there, and Mom wants to be sick in peace here... >_<
And this leads to the next story...
Friday, Dad and I were supposed to leave for the camp, but he ended up getting back late and when he got bak he found fire trucks on our road, and realized the woods in our back yard were on fire! So I had an amazing firefighter in my back yard, with a lot of his less firefighter-looking buddies. So we ended up taking Mom and my brother with us to the camp.
The next day was the hunt. I met Heath and Tom. They're pretty cool. Tom has two sons my age, and I know heath has a daughter but I know nothing about her, even her age. I may have been to busy slyly looking at his awesome mustache. Ya know the ones that go down to their chins, and are that easy breezy kind of cool? Yeah, that kind.
We were home that night and I spent Sunday working on my room after the meeting where I almost got Cody to ask his "Aunt" to take up to Sonic while my Dad was in another meeting with His "Uncle".
Today I went to the monsters house to watch them since they want to be sick there, and Mom wants to be sick in peace here... >_<
And this leads to the next story...
Friday, January 20, 2012
Wakin' Up To LOVE
"Wakin' up to love
Every morning I've been
Wakin' up to love, I can hear
Alarm clock's ringin'
Through the window all the birds start singing
Every morning we'll be
wakin' up to love
Don't you know that we'll be
Wakin' up to love
At first I thought that I was dreamin' but
Then it hit me like the coffee and the cream and I'm
Waking up to love, love love"
Every morning I've been
Wakin' up to love, I can hear
Alarm clock's ringin'
Through the window all the birds start singing
Every morning we'll be
wakin' up to love
Don't you know that we'll be
Wakin' up to love
At first I thought that I was dreamin' but
Then it hit me like the coffee and the cream and I'm
Waking up to love, love love"
OK, this is so my new song. I have fallen in love with this tune from the Clean and Clear commercial.
I set this as my alarm tone last night and I woke up smiling and ready to go! Was up as soon as it went off and the day has been just as good wver since. This morning I went to the store with my Mom. We took the elder monster, and left the little one here to sleep with my (7 yr) brother and my Dad. HAHAHAHHA!!! We had barely started in walmart before Dad text me: "its awake"... Now I'm about to boot down and finish packing for this wekend. Dad and I are going to do a hunt for his customers. A lot of people think it's awful, but I've grown up with it so I guess it just doesn't bother me as much.
Anyway, just on to say I'm having an amazing day. I'm full of happy-dust!!! Haha.
Until I have internet again...
Love, coffee, and cute blond haired baby boys!!!
P.S. Almost forgot: I haven't wanted coffee all day!!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Hello World!
Good morning, bon soir, aloha, top o' tha mornin to ya!!!
Not sure if you can tell... but I am way better today that I was the other days. I feel good this morning. With no caffeine, with last night, and with the day ahead. Still kinda nervous about Jeremy, but Mom started talking about it again today and she is a lot more sure about it than I am. That he will be able to keep his attendance up. She was also able to answer a few of my questions and that was greatly reassuring to know those answers. One, that him and his family have been going to that hall every time they head up there. And there aren't a lot of people, and it's all older people so I know he is way more comfortable with that than he is with a lot of strange kids. And what situation doesn't always look better after a good nights sleep?
Not sure if you can tell... but I am way better today that I was the other days. I feel good this morning. With no caffeine, with last night, and with the day ahead. Still kinda nervous about Jeremy, but Mom started talking about it again today and she is a lot more sure about it than I am. That he will be able to keep his attendance up. She was also able to answer a few of my questions and that was greatly reassuring to know those answers. One, that him and his family have been going to that hall every time they head up there. And there aren't a lot of people, and it's all older people so I know he is way more comfortable with that than he is with a lot of strange kids. And what situation doesn't always look better after a good nights sleep?
So, I'm great. Actually not missing coffee as much today. Yesterday I wanted it for its sweet adrenaline relief, but today what I want it for is its taste, its smoothness, but I'm not craving the caffeine. I got a 15 minute rest when I put the baby to sleep (I babysit everyday) and so that did me some good.
Until Mom made me call insurance people. But even having to pretend my dad was my husband over the phone didn't ruin my day.
Until next time, go enjoy your coffee!!!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Storm Before the Calm
Yes, that's a cliche but it is one used time and again because of its honest truthfulness. Tonight, I realized everything was going to be OK. I got to talk to 'Cody' and my world is revolving at its steady pace once again. We talked before the meeting casually, and he even hung there while I talked to Chase*, his little brother about my new Webkins acct. and how I need to make friends with him. Then our friend Tyrone came up to us with this months latest magazines and said "hey, look, the new ones are here" and Cody reaches out to take them from him, and I grab one of those from Cody. Tyrone and Andy, Cody's older brother, stood there looking oddly at us as we flipped through and scanned for good tidbits of information and interesting articles.
I so love those (you too are so alike) moments.
Then after we were able to talk again, and I love the nights when everything seems to be going my way. How I was proud in my ability to be confident and casual with someone who makes me so, so crazy.
However, there was one glitch to the night... There is this boy I've known for years. Let's call him Jeremy. Anyway, he lives with his grandmother who raised him and since moving down here her and my own mother have been the best of friends. They are always the first to find out anything that is going on in each others lives. Well, during the meeting mom wrote me a note. (Pre-reveal, Jeremy's grandparents had recently bought a retirement property and a travel trailer for it which is all located about 3-4 hours north of our current town) She had learned that Jeremy, who turns 18 in May, wants to move up there, get a job, and live on his own. But that his grandmother was trying to convince him not to move until after our convention (July).
Now, this may not sound so bad, but it is. The relationship between me and him has a history of... awkwardness. Months after I realized I had stopped liking him, I learned he liked me. And we are both mega shy people, so this has been, weird. Don't think he knows I know, but still. Weird like, I have a hard time looking at him because even though I don't really like him anymore, I probably like him more than I normally would. As in, I still may or may not skip a couple of beats when I talk to him. So, this is huge.
I am so worried about him. Worried that he is going to get into trouble. I know how extremely shy he is and how if he moves into a new hall he may not get up much courage to reach out as he has been able to here. I'm worried that he may slack off in going to meetings after being tired from his new job. Then how he'll reason that missing one more won't hurt anything until it's gotten the better of him. Not that I don't believe in him, but I know that this happens to everyone. That is incredibly hard to resist this. That sometimes we need a good welcoming swift kick in the behind to help us into gear. And I'm worried no one there will be able to give that to him...
So, overall a good night, but my worried face still appears when I think about him.
And! And, I want to text my best friend about this, and ask her, but I think my green monster may come out and say something about how she can't tell her new best friend any of this... and even if I can hide the key to his cage, I know how she'll respond. Something along the lines of "oh, that's awful" and "I hope so too" and how she won't really get it, but even if my miracle she does she won't be as worried as me because besides his grandmother I'm not sure there are that many who are worried. They all seem like they'd be able to say "he'll just have to make his own decisions" and forget about it.
:l not cool, man. not cool.
*Footnote: all names have been changed or altered to protect my identity against those who might know me but I know if they find this it won't work because it's so obvious who these people are... "Doh!"
I so love those (you too are so alike) moments.
Then after we were able to talk again, and I love the nights when everything seems to be going my way. How I was proud in my ability to be confident and casual with someone who makes me so, so crazy.
However, there was one glitch to the night... There is this boy I've known for years. Let's call him Jeremy. Anyway, he lives with his grandmother who raised him and since moving down here her and my own mother have been the best of friends. They are always the first to find out anything that is going on in each others lives. Well, during the meeting mom wrote me a note. (Pre-reveal, Jeremy's grandparents had recently bought a retirement property and a travel trailer for it which is all located about 3-4 hours north of our current town) She had learned that Jeremy, who turns 18 in May, wants to move up there, get a job, and live on his own. But that his grandmother was trying to convince him not to move until after our convention (July).
Now, this may not sound so bad, but it is. The relationship between me and him has a history of... awkwardness. Months after I realized I had stopped liking him, I learned he liked me. And we are both mega shy people, so this has been, weird. Don't think he knows I know, but still. Weird like, I have a hard time looking at him because even though I don't really like him anymore, I probably like him more than I normally would. As in, I still may or may not skip a couple of beats when I talk to him. So, this is huge.
I am so worried about him. Worried that he is going to get into trouble. I know how extremely shy he is and how if he moves into a new hall he may not get up much courage to reach out as he has been able to here. I'm worried that he may slack off in going to meetings after being tired from his new job. Then how he'll reason that missing one more won't hurt anything until it's gotten the better of him. Not that I don't believe in him, but I know that this happens to everyone. That is incredibly hard to resist this. That sometimes we need a good welcoming swift kick in the behind to help us into gear. And I'm worried no one there will be able to give that to him...
So, overall a good night, but my worried face still appears when I think about him.
And! And, I want to text my best friend about this, and ask her, but I think my green monster may come out and say something about how she can't tell her new best friend any of this... and even if I can hide the key to his cage, I know how she'll respond. Something along the lines of "oh, that's awful" and "I hope so too" and how she won't really get it, but even if my miracle she does she won't be as worried as me because besides his grandmother I'm not sure there are that many who are worried. They all seem like they'd be able to say "he'll just have to make his own decisions" and forget about it.
:l not cool, man. not cool.
*Footnote: all names have been changed or altered to protect my identity against those who might know me but I know if they find this it won't work because it's so obvious who these people are... "Doh!"
"Victory is mine... bring me all the bagels in the land!"
A quote which any Lemon-Limen fan would know, I totally feel like a pwn it right now.
I did not make coffee!!! I'll probably regret making this decision tomorrow morning when I can't wake up to Folgers in my cup, but I have so much pure energy right now I can't even begin to describe it! I had awful back pain last night and this morning, but after Advil came to my rescue, I haven't felt any since though I know it's worn off. And I'm ready to do stuff! If there wasn't a little monster sleeping in my room I'd be cleaning it, but hey. It's the thought that counts, right?
Point is I am proud of myself for not giving in.
Hip, hip, and a hooray for me!
Josh: Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, people, victory is mine.
Donna: Morning, Josh.
Josh: I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.
Donna: It's going to be an unbearable day.
I did not make coffee!!! I'll probably regret making this decision tomorrow morning when I can't wake up to Folgers in my cup, but I have so much pure energy right now I can't even begin to describe it! I had awful back pain last night and this morning, but after Advil came to my rescue, I haven't felt any since though I know it's worn off. And I'm ready to do stuff! If there wasn't a little monster sleeping in my room I'd be cleaning it, but hey. It's the thought that counts, right?
Point is I am proud of myself for not giving in.
Hip, hip, and a hooray for me!
Josh: Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, people, victory is mine.
Donna: Morning, Josh.
Josh: I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.
Donna: It's going to be an unbearable day.
Considering circumstances :?
So, I'm totally considering quitting this whole two weeks thing. I'm tired all day long, I can't do anything, clean my room, wash clothes, school; I'm totally brain dead and I hate it. I've been weighing the scales of stress and trying to understand if this is causing more stress inside my body than the coffee did. This whole thing is for acne. Because the caffeine in coffee starts the secretion of adrenaline, a stress hormone, and stress' physical oxidative form is the 'numero uno' cause of acne aside from genetics (incurable) and so no caffeine is supposed to help this dramatically. But, I'm not so sure it's worth it. I am in no way insecure about what little acne I have left, and I'd rather have the coffee. With this, I sign off, say Bon Jour, and will now make a nice hot cup of cafe`!!!!!
Au revoir!
Au revoir!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Strike 2
"I give my self very good advice, but I rarely ever follow it." A song I thought I had gotten but now it's so stuck in my head.
Yeah, should have gone to bed.
Found my friend's account who I've been talking about. The 'like him now', new-best-friend-at-my-house friend. Yeah, she-who-shall-be-called-Lady X made her Polyvore Profile Picture of her and -new-best-friend-who-shall-be-called-Miss Rico. And, it might not should have bothered me, but, this whole thing kind of hit me all at once. She kinda rushed her in, quick and blunt. So, maybe I just need to get over it, but... that doesn't sound like me. Oh well. Que sera, sera.
Yeah, should have gone to bed.
Found my friend's account who I've been talking about. The 'like him now', new-best-friend-at-my-house friend. Yeah, she-who-shall-be-called-Lady X made her Polyvore Profile Picture of her and -new-best-friend-who-shall-be-called-Miss Rico. And, it might not should have bothered me, but, this whole thing kind of hit me all at once. She kinda rushed her in, quick and blunt. So, maybe I just need to get over it, but... that doesn't sound like me. Oh well. Que sera, sera.
Could it have been a worst time?!?!?!?!??!
For the record: I hate new Yahoo Mail. It just ruined my night. And my tomorrow. So, I haven't really been able to get IMs, but I haven't really cared that much, cause I don't' really IM any one any way. I text, instead. But, just a minute ago I got a text from... let's call him Cody. And, I completely lost the message. He logged off, and I lost it. 100% gone because it would not show up in my window. Yeah. I hate Yahoo Mail. :'( Night. Ruined.
And I would feel better if I could tell my friend who I always tell this stuff, but, like, she went all teenage girl on me last time I talked about him and I swear if she says she likes him now one more time I'll rip her head off. Like, all the way off. And I love her to death, but this is treacherous territory and she knows I would never doit to her, so it's kinda hard for me to get why she would do this to me.
Bleh. I should go to bed.
And I would feel better if I could tell my friend who I always tell this stuff, but, like, she went all teenage girl on me last time I talked about him and I swear if she says she likes him now one more time I'll rip her head off. Like, all the way off. And I love her to death, but this is treacherous territory and she knows I would never doit to her, so it's kinda hard for me to get why she would do this to me.
Bleh. I should go to bed.
ZZzzzzzzzz.....
OK, so after yesterday's post, I went to take a two hour bath. I then got out of that bath (reading P.S. I Love You; and incredible thoroughly uplifting story that always makes me feel better after reading even the smallest portion) and lay down on the couch for two hours. Got up from there, went to my room, sat on my bed, and proceeded to pass out until Mom came to wake me up at 6:30 (2 1/2 hrs later).
So, first thing this morning I had to get up to get 'my kids', Jimmy and Hayes at 7:45 this morning. I took care of them, fed them, let them play outside, all nice and worn out until 9:30 when Hayes takes his first nap and Jimmy does cpu school work games. Then, again, I lay down on the couch and apparently passed out because the next thing I know Mom has hayes outside and Jimmy wants lunch... So I may have been slightly caffeine dependent. All I can think about is my Les Miserables cup in the cabinet, my 8 O'clock Columbian coffee beans, and my mocha caramel cream all just waiting, watching, staring...
I'm hoping I'll be able to break out of this within the next couple of days. Today is already better than yesterday, and I have high hopes for tomorrow. Now, if I can just get the energy to get my room clean!!!!!!!!
Hope your day is brighter than mine, and remember to enjoy what you have!
So, first thing this morning I had to get up to get 'my kids', Jimmy and Hayes at 7:45 this morning. I took care of them, fed them, let them play outside, all nice and worn out until 9:30 when Hayes takes his first nap and Jimmy does cpu school work games. Then, again, I lay down on the couch and apparently passed out because the next thing I know Mom has hayes outside and Jimmy wants lunch... So I may have been slightly caffeine dependent. All I can think about is my Les Miserables cup in the cabinet, my 8 O'clock Columbian coffee beans, and my mocha caramel cream all just waiting, watching, staring...
I'm hoping I'll be able to break out of this within the next couple of days. Today is already better than yesterday, and I have high hopes for tomorrow. Now, if I can just get the energy to get my room clean!!!!!!!!
Hope your day is brighter than mine, and remember to enjoy what you have!
Monday, January 16, 2012
It's not addiction, it's a ritual!
So yesterday, Sunday, I started a two-week no caffeine stint. Meaning, I have to give up my morning coffee, noon/afternoon coffee, and cokes, teas, etc. that contain caffeine. So, yesterday was not a big deal. I slept in until 10, had to clean the entire house and get ready to leave for somewhere at 12:30, and I wouldn't get back until three. This all helped because I can't drink coffee until after 2, 2:30 or it will keep me up at night. Plus, I only drink tea if we go out to eat, and I really don't like coke. So yesterday's verdict: easiest caffeine free day of my life. Today's: Crap with a capitol 'c'. I woke up late and wiped from oversleeping, my parents got home last night from a week in Puerto Vallarta which I (again) wasn't allowed to go on (instead staying home with my little brother) and the entire morning has been me blaming my red itchy eyes on messed up contacts instead of being able to tell them I couldn't care less about their trip. So I am in major crash mode, and what I usually use to cure that period of time when I'm lost in my head, trapped in a whirl-wind of emotional turmoil and my OCD self wants to go lay down in my bed behind my locked door and cry is I get a hot cup of mocha-caramel coffee, my laptop and read until my mind works its way out all on it's own. This helps immensely. But now, I can't do that. I could go make a cup of de-caf, but that still has a small amount of caffeine, and I don't want to drink coffee. I want off of it for two weeks fully, no cheating.
Instead, I'm writing this all out, cleaning the house my parents wrecked last night, and then going to take a bath with a really good book. One that will make me feel a lot better about my life. Especially the parts of my life where I realize they will never let me away from my brother. The parts where I tell my best friend about something that made me fall all over again for a boy who cares so much for me as his sister/close friend and she text back "oh, I think I may be in love with him again" then thinks it's not a big deal and she has the right of way with it all. Or the part where she shows up to my house with her new best friend she's all infatuated with and acts like nothing is different, not a single thing. The part where I realize that afore-mentioned boy does actually think of my like a sister/close friend. The part where I can't seem to take care of my own self, but am still entrusted with "helping out the family" and babysitting 53.5 hours a week. The part where I realize that no matter how many text messages, tweets, and e-mails I send, I can never really be there for my best, closest, and dearest friend when I know she needs someone the most.
So yeah, that's day two. The emotional pits of my mind.
What I'm learning it no, I am not addicted to the caffeine, I'm addicted to the feeling of relief that floods through me when I realize my world can slow down long enough to relax. Relaxing isn't understood by everyone, but there is not a person on earth who doesn't understand the term 'coffee break'...
In conclusion, no, it's not an addiction, it's a ritual!
Instead, I'm writing this all out, cleaning the house my parents wrecked last night, and then going to take a bath with a really good book. One that will make me feel a lot better about my life. Especially the parts of my life where I realize they will never let me away from my brother. The parts where I tell my best friend about something that made me fall all over again for a boy who cares so much for me as his sister/close friend and she text back "oh, I think I may be in love with him again" then thinks it's not a big deal and she has the right of way with it all. Or the part where she shows up to my house with her new best friend she's all infatuated with and acts like nothing is different, not a single thing. The part where I realize that afore-mentioned boy does actually think of my like a sister/close friend. The part where I can't seem to take care of my own self, but am still entrusted with "helping out the family" and babysitting 53.5 hours a week. The part where I realize that no matter how many text messages, tweets, and e-mails I send, I can never really be there for my best, closest, and dearest friend when I know she needs someone the most.
So yeah, that's day two. The emotional pits of my mind.
What I'm learning it no, I am not addicted to the caffeine, I'm addicted to the feeling of relief that floods through me when I realize my world can slow down long enough to relax. Relaxing isn't understood by everyone, but there is not a person on earth who doesn't understand the term 'coffee break'...
In conclusion, no, it's not an addiction, it's a ritual!
All I could do was smile...
We were standing there today, just talking, and you looked at me with a look on your face. You gave me a compliment I've heard many time before. But all the times before it had much more words to go with it. This time, it didn't. Yet, this was the est of all because you tried to add more words but I could tell you hadn't; instead, you just got this look and stared. And all I could do was smile...
Sunday, January 15, 2012
All I could do was smile...
We were standing there today, just talking, and you looked at me with a look on your face. You gave me a compliment I've heard many time before. But all the times before it had much more words to go with it. This time, it didn't. Yet, this was the est of all because you tried to add more words but I could tell you hadn't; instead, you just got this look and stared. And all I could do was smile...
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