So yesterday, Sunday, I started a two-week no caffeine stint. Meaning, I have to give up my morning coffee, noon/afternoon coffee, and cokes, teas, etc. that contain caffeine. So, yesterday was not a big deal. I slept in until 10, had to clean the entire house and get ready to leave for somewhere at 12:30, and I wouldn't get back until three. This all helped because I can't drink coffee until after 2, 2:30 or it will keep me up at night. Plus, I only drink tea if we go out to eat, and I really don't like coke. So yesterday's verdict: easiest caffeine free day of my life. Today's: Crap with a capitol 'c'. I woke up late and wiped from oversleeping, my parents got home last night from a week in Puerto Vallarta which I (again) wasn't allowed to go on (instead staying home with my little brother) and the entire morning has been me blaming my red itchy eyes on messed up contacts instead of being able to tell them I couldn't care less about their trip. So I am in major crash mode, and what I usually use to cure that period of time when I'm lost in my head, trapped in a whirl-wind of emotional turmoil and my OCD self wants to go lay down in my bed behind my locked door and cry is I get a hot cup of mocha-caramel coffee, my laptop and read until my mind works its way out all on it's own. This helps immensely. But now, I can't do that. I could go make a cup of de-caf, but that still has a small amount of caffeine, and I don't want to drink coffee. I want off of it for two weeks fully, no cheating.
Instead, I'm writing this all out, cleaning the house my parents wrecked last night, and then going to take a bath with a really good book. One that will make me feel a lot better about my life. Especially the parts of my life where I realize they will never let me away from my brother. The parts where I tell my best friend about something that made me fall all over again for a boy who cares so much for me as his sister/close friend and she text back "oh, I think I may be in love with him again" then thinks it's not a big deal and she has the right of way with it all. Or the part where she shows up to my house with her new best friend she's all infatuated with and acts like nothing is different, not a single thing. The part where I realize that afore-mentioned boy does actually think of my like a sister/close friend. The part where I can't seem to take care of my own self, but am still entrusted with "helping out the family" and babysitting 53.5 hours a week. The part where I realize that no matter how many text messages, tweets, and e-mails I send, I can never really be there for my best, closest, and dearest friend when I know she needs someone the most.
So yeah, that's day two. The emotional pits of my mind.
What I'm learning it no, I am not addicted to the caffeine, I'm addicted to the feeling of relief that floods through me when I realize my world can slow down long enough to relax. Relaxing isn't understood by everyone, but there is not a person on earth who doesn't understand the term 'coffee break'...
In conclusion, no, it's not an addiction, it's a ritual!
Instead, I'm writing this all out, cleaning the house my parents wrecked last night, and then going to take a bath with a really good book. One that will make me feel a lot better about my life. Especially the parts of my life where I realize they will never let me away from my brother. The parts where I tell my best friend about something that made me fall all over again for a boy who cares so much for me as his sister/close friend and she text back "oh, I think I may be in love with him again" then thinks it's not a big deal and she has the right of way with it all. Or the part where she shows up to my house with her new best friend she's all infatuated with and acts like nothing is different, not a single thing. The part where I realize that afore-mentioned boy does actually think of my like a sister/close friend. The part where I can't seem to take care of my own self, but am still entrusted with "helping out the family" and babysitting 53.5 hours a week. The part where I realize that no matter how many text messages, tweets, and e-mails I send, I can never really be there for my best, closest, and dearest friend when I know she needs someone the most.
So yeah, that's day two. The emotional pits of my mind.
What I'm learning it no, I am not addicted to the caffeine, I'm addicted to the feeling of relief that floods through me when I realize my world can slow down long enough to relax. Relaxing isn't understood by everyone, but there is not a person on earth who doesn't understand the term 'coffee break'...
In conclusion, no, it's not an addiction, it's a ritual!
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